Ach du liebe Zeit – if I see one more Hollywood zombie flick where some city boy fights off the undead with a baseball bat and scream-crying, I’ll spill my Bier in protest. Listen here, Freunde: if the zombies come shambling down a Texas dirt road, you better be prepared like a proper Bavarian-Texan hybrid – das heißt, with guns, gear, and enough brisket to power through Armageddon.

Guns First, Fragen Later

In Bavaria, the most dangerous thing I had to chase away was a drunk tourist in Lederhosn. But in Texas, ja, the world plays harder. If it’s zombies we’re tackling, you need proper Waffen, not just grandpapa’s rusty squirrel rifle.

• AR-15 in .223/5.56 – Reliable as a Ford truck with duct tape. Easy ammo, good accuracy, and everyone in Texas seems to have one anyway.
• M1014 (12 gauge shotgun) – If you want to redecorate a zombie’s brainpan, this is your brush and canvas. Boom, splatter, Prost!
• M250 / M107 big boom toys – Overkill? Maybe. But if you want to shoot one zombie, AND the three unlucky behind him, go for it. Just make sure you can haul the weight.
• Glock pistol (9mm) – Light, trusty, no nonsense. Fit it in your truck, waistband, or under your pillow. Works every time. That’s why the Polizei in half the globe carries it.

Always remember: ammo runs out faster than Bier at Oktoberfest. So stockpile, Freunde!

Bullets = Flüssiges Gold

Here’s the holy trinity:

• 9mm – Cheap, light, plenty of bang for close quarters. Good for Glock, not for giants.
• .223/5.56 – Your AR-15’s daily Brot. Buy it in bulk or bet on becoming zombie hors-d’oeuvre.
• 12 gauge – Heavy box, heavy punch. Perfect for Texas farmhouse defense.

Pro Tipp: Don’t burn through your big-caliber stash showing off at the range, ja? Save it for when the neighbors start moaning and dragging their legs.

Brewkraut’s Box

• What’s the deal: Guns and ammo keep zombies from becoming your new roommates.
• What’s nonsense: Fancy laser sights, gold-plated pistols, or Hollywood sword-fighting flair. Nobody’s got time for Ninja cosplay, Herr Samurai.
• Prost-finale: Simple, durable, reliable – that beats shiny show-off gear every time.

Tactical Gear = Survival Lederhosn

In Bavaria, a good pair of Lederhosn is enough for a forest hike. In Texas, zombie apocalypse means you need more than felt hats.

• Tactical vest – Carry mags, keep hands free. Like a modern beer stein belt.
• Flashlight – Because Texas nights are darker than a Bavarian Kellerbier.
• First aid kit – Zombies don’t kill you? Infection, accidents, and bad BBQ hygiene will.
• Truck – Forget the Prius, mein Freund. You need a diesel truck, jacked up, with enough space to haul fuel, food, and that drunk uncle who won’t walk.
• Fuel – The more the better. Texas distances are no joke.

Survival Basics: Schweinshaxn vs. Beef Jerky

Food and water – ohne, you’re done. Forget gourmet, think practical.

• Water – Store gallons. Texas heat cooks you faster than any zombie bite.
• Food – Cans, jerky, rice, beans. And maybe hide a jar of sauerkraut for morale.
• BBQ pit – Optional? NEIN. Zombie apocalypse or not, a Texan will smoke brisket. Better to fight undead with a belly full of barbecue than hunger growls louder than the moaning outside.

Living Like a Prepper = Living Like an Old Bavarian Farmer

You think prepping is paranoid? Ha! In Bavaria, we always had cellars packed with Kartoffeln, cured meats, and Bier for winter. Prepping is just old-school commonsense, meine Freunde. Texas adds guns and trucks – Bavarians add beer barrels and wood stoves. Same idea, different flavor.

Final Word, bevor the Zombies Arrive

So: keep your guns oiled, your gas tank full, your pantry stocked, and your flashlight battery fresh. If the day comes, you’ll thank yourself for not being that fool with only flip-flops and a yoga mat.

And remember: if a zombie apocalypse really does hit Texas, it won’t be the zombies people fear most. It’ll be the shortage of brisket and Shiner beer. Prost, und good luck!